Integrative / Intuitive Health and Empowerment Coaching
'Mamaita's Journey uses the gifts of a clinical academic and intuitive to empower seekers to discover that 'missing something' they need to make their life MORE!
Catch your thoughts....
April 19, 2014
My Reason for being...
May 1, 2013
'Guilty of Libel...?'
June 3, 2014
Follow your arrow...
April 19, 2014
For the first time in 3 years, I have reached an impasse with my passion for writing. Maybe this is what they call a ‘writers block? But I thought that was when a writer could not write. I am still writing, I haven't stopped but I just cannot focus on writing this blog. I seem to have lost my direction. So, I suppose,it is a ‘writers block’, of sorts...
You see, the words have already been written and it had been my simple plan to publish all those past posts from my private journal, thereby bringing my readers’ on board and up to speed, so to speak? But as I read through the last 3 years of my journaling, I am overwhelmed. And if it overwhelms me, it will overwhelm my readers, right?
But I know all those words were written for a reason. So what is it I want from them? All that learning and self development? All those ‘a-ha!' moments? I want, I need, something more from them. I need to use them citing their relevance to now, the future and not the past. I need to leave the past behind. Stop carrying it with me. I need to take the final steps in my healing.
The process of reading all my thoughts, ideas, methodologies, advice received and given, the pages of research, is amazing. I am continually surprising myself with my creative use of the written word, seeing how well I have captured my feelings in that moment and how relevant the content was and is, to my emergence from broken. But it somehow feels that I do them, me, an injustice by simply sharing what was then. I need to leave 'them' behind. Cut the cords.
The important things have been shared. ’To Know is to Trust’. I wanted my readers, my clients and prospective clients, my friends and loved ones, to know me, understand me and ultimately, to trust me. I have laid all my vulnerabilities before them and shared my healing. I have done what I felt I needed to and the messages, comments and posts from my readers have confirmed that it was the right thing for me to do. But these last few weeks I have struggled to decide what to post now. Really struggled. Because although it is all relevant to the entity that ‘Mamaita’s Journey’ has become, too many other things are happening in my journey, here and now. It is all so exciting and it has me captivated. Yes, the past is still relevant, but the future holds more than the past. If I continue posting from the past, I may miss the opportunity to capture the wondrous things that are happening to me now!
Our life journey is a continual evolvement. I know, I know, I do state the obvious sometimes! So why on earth was I thinking that ‘Mamaita’s Journey’ was just about the last 3 years? It isn’t. It’s about so much more. Yes, I do still need to share my experiences from the last 3 years, but I want to share it in such a way that it will empower others to do the same in the here and now. I want to share all those experiences and ‘a-ha’ moments that helped me find my way, but in the context of how they are helping me continue my journey, finding my way, now.
I continually reflect on the past. I explore what it teaches me and how it helps me to enjoy and rejoice in my progress and healing. It remains my firm belief that we need to recall our past, understand and reprocess events so we can make changes in our present and pave our way to the future. (Yes, my dear friend and Clinical Psychologist, Shelley! Once again I find myself sharing the power of EMDR!!) This is how I need to write. I need to write in the moment, about what inspires me now, reprocessing my past to influence the future.
There is also another reason. Last weekend, I attended the Calgary ‘Body, Mind and Spirit’ Expo with a group of inspiring ladies. Each has come into my life in a different way and each has opened my eyes, mind and heart to their uniqueness and their difference. What started out as a couple of hours in one another's company and a browse at what was there to see, ended up being a deep and meaningful experience that lasted 5 hours. From doors open to doors closed, I met inspiring people and listened to their stories. I found it easy to relate to what they had to say. My heart and mind were open and ready to receive. The startling reality was that not all that long ago, I would have dismissed them out of hand. My scientific, over thinking mind would have controlled my heart and closed it to anything that I couldn't make sense of. Everyone I met, had had a similar journey to me. One, who I now know will play a very important role in my future, was a kindred spirit. We could have talked forever. We were drawn to one another and we shared our very similar experiences and realised that we had each found our path in a similar way. She inspired me to move on with my book writing and to explore more of my being. I asked her if she came across people who wanted to ‘rain on her parade’. Yes, always, she replied, but she no longer cared. She now has the strength and the inclination to follow the path she wants.
I admire that human spirit. I want it. I want to follow my path. i need that courage.
In another encounter that day, I was shown two arrows. One pointing to the left, one to the right. West and East. Backward and Forward. Past and Future. Whatever. They could symbolize many things. But I imagined them to symbolize me, well. more accurately, ‘my logical mind' at their middle, trying to decide which path, which direction, to follow. As the last few days came to pass, I continued to ‘see' those arrows and found myself reflecting upon their possible meaning.
By the next encounter, later in the week, I had applied those arrows to just about every different situation, decision and choice. My only conclusion was that they had been revealed to me for a purpose. At this encounter, Iwas shown the clarity I needed to finally understand the arrows. I was on the right track. It is me at the centre point. More specifically, my mind. soul and heart. My mind’s self is urging me to follow the path that lies to my left. West, backwards, behind… To follow my mind will be no error of judgement. It’s logical application will bring me grounding and safety, as it always has in the past. I can see clearly how this would apply to my current health challenge, my financial challenge, my career direction and even the direction of a relationship, or rather, bringing it to an end, again. But my heart’s self is urging me to head to my right. East, forwards, in front. It also signifies my health challenge, but it encourages me to be brave enough to follow my instinctive healing. It also refers very clearly to the entity that is now ‘Mamaita’s Journey', to my natural affinity with women and my need to follow and satisfy the feminine side of me. My mind is the 'masculine', grounded and simple, and it is usually permitted to be the dominant, but this was telling me to embrace the female influence within. This still encompassed the financial challenges ahead, in the development of my coaching practice, my writing, my business planning, marketing and above all, that need to help, heal and fix that has always kept me grounded. My heart is urging me to continue my journey of self discovery, despite my logical mind doing its very best to discourage me from delving any deeper.
As I continue to study Integrative Health Coaching and develop my coaching practice, I become increasingly aware of its movement away from the counselling/problem solving and 'need to heal/fix' role of being a nurse and midwife. This is so intuitive to me. Truly an integral part of ‘being me’. But I no longer confuse it with the ‘need to please’ of yesteryear, but I do recognize that it may have been developed further with that at its root. And although being an Integrative Health Coach ‘satisfies’ my being in so many ways, I do still need to be a 'healer'. As a coach, I can facilitate and empower individuals to heal themselves, but it is not my place to do it for them. So how will I satisfy this need in me?
Well, here are those arrows again, pointing ‘safely’ back toward my nigh on 30 years' nursing career. My coaching is here in the middle of the arrows, but what is that arrow pointing to in the future? I know it carries an element of risk. Does that mean its 'unsafe'? But it is where my heart is telling me to venture. My head is trying its best to rule and wants to start ‘over-thinking’ it, but my heart says this is where I may find the answers to recover my health, my career and my self development...
My heart is singing! It feels so good. There is that element of risk, but its exciting. Self discovery? Yes… it screams self discovery. I want to continue the journey that is bringing so many truly amazing people into my life. I want to share their enjoyment as they too travel their path to self discovery. I want to keep my heart and mind open to the things that previously I'd have dismissed out of hand! I don’t want to miss anything!
Now that I am looking, I am finding more than just those ‘arrows’. I realise I am embarking on a spiritual journey. I have always known I was a spiritual being, but never found comfort and faith in religion as others did. Fact is, I envied them that guidance and comfort, especially when I saw others at the end of their lives or facing true hardship, turning to their faith to guide and comfort them. But my beliefs lie in something bigger that makes absolutely no sense at all. Or does it? I see religion as being the result of man’s need to 'make sense of it all'. I have read much of the bible, despite being agnostic, and I have accepted that it may never make any sense and that maybe we're not actually supposed to make sense of it , but I have concluded that there is no harm in trying. After all, is that not what man has continually done for centuries? Is that the perpetual wheel of motion?
All that has passed is teaching us lessons for the future. Not just in our own lives, but in the lives of others too. I think I now have the ‘key’. That key is my curiosity, my spirit, my sense of adventure, my need for excitement, my need for self discovery. Now, I need to enjoy looking for all the doors this key will open for me. I need to trust my instincts, trust that ‘gut-feeling’, understand what it is saying to me and be brave enough to walk through the doors. Yes, the ‘Journey’ continues and this is what I shall be sharing. The ‘writer’s block’ was a door, I just needed to unlock it and walk through it!