Integrative / Intuitive Health and Empowerment Coaching
'Mamaita's Journey uses the gifts of a clinical academic and intuitive to empower seekers to discover that 'missing something' they need to make their life MORE!
Catch your thoughts....
April 19, 2014
My Reason for being...
May 1, 2013
'Guilty of Libel...?'
June 3, 2014
Finding My Forgotten Self.... ('Si Tu Me Olvidas' ~ 'If You Forget Me' ~ Pablo Neruda)
February 22, 2014
As I said in my last post, Spain has become a part of my soul. Ironically, while I lived there, I had little time to truly discover the wealth of her literature, but rather experienced her raw beauty and diverse provincial cultures and landscape.
Prior to meeting my husband, I read, I wrote, I indulged in my music, in classic English Literature, poetry, lyrics.... But during my 20 years of marriage I lost all of it. My husband had dyslexia and had never read a book. I somehow felt 'guilty' if I picked up a book in front of him, despite him saying to go ahead and that it didn't bother him. He never stopped me from being me... I stopped myself. Instead I read texts relating to my work and professional development, not personal. Somehow, that was ok. I was advancing my education for the good of us both. Our taste in music could not have been any more diverse either. Oh don't get me wrong, he never suggested I not listen to my music either, this was my choice. It was easier than the guilt I felt doing something for me... So I sacrificed it all, and upon reflection, I lost a part of me. I lost my identity and stalled my natural growth.
Many times I hear women say the same, that they have lost their identity. So during my healing and exploration of me, I rediscovered my classics: Dickens, the Bronte sister's, Shakespeare, Wordsworth, Ruskin... I began to indulge... I downloaded all my old favourites songs and artists from iTunes! Soon, my iPod was full of thousand's of songs. From classical to rock, country to blues. I discovered 'Shazam'! If I heard a song that conjured memories, whether good or bad, I sought them out and listened to them again and again. I listened to lyrics, wrote them in my journal, interpreted them, pondered their meaning and discovered other tracks from the same artist. One example was 'Brown Eyed Girl' by Van Morrison. I adored this song and decided on a whim to download the album the song was taken from.. loved it!
Another step I took was to make my peace with Spain. I have said how I adored this country... but I left her shores with bad memories. I started this peace making by organising all of my photos into albums. I made one called 'Images of Spain'... I discovered pictures of our visits to La Mancha and the windmills of Don Quixote. Of course, I knew of Cervantes writings, but had never actually read the book. So I did. This led me to other Spanish poets and writers.
During my exploration, I found this beautiful poem by Pablo Neruda. I am unsure of his subject, but be it a country or a person, it is powerful.
My favourite part is the second to last stanza. I interpret this as a person Neruda is writing about. He is letting the 'wind of banners' in his (Neruda's) life get in the way of the roots of the relationship. Maybe in making up their mind, Neruda is explaining that he cannot wait for his subject, his love, to make up her mind about the relationship, and that she needs to permit his (Neruda's) roots to 'seek a new land'? A new 'love'?
But the poem ends with hope, as if the two really were meant to be together, though it can be painfully blunt in the stanzas before. This poem touches on many feelings, similar to what one would feel about a person who had broken up with you but will not allow it to be over. It seems like a warning almost, that if she doesn't accept Neruda he will be gone, looking for new isles to put his roots... and she will lose him forever... Such clever writing.
'Si Tu Me Olvidas' ~ Pablo Neruda
Quiero que sepas
Tú sabes cómo es esto:
la luna de cristal, la rama roja
del lento otoño en mi ventana,
junto al fuego
la impalpable ceniza
o el arrugado cuerpo de la leña,
todo me lleva a ti,
como si todo lo que existe:
aromas, luz, metales,
fueran pequeños barcos que navegan
hacia las islas tuyas que me aguardan.
si poco a poco dejas de quererme
dejaré de quererte poco a poco.
Si de pronto
no me busques,
que ya te habré olvidado.
Si consideras largo y loco
el viento de banderas
que pasa por mi vida
y te decides
a dejarme a la orilla
del corazón en que tengo raíces,
que en esa día,
a esa hora
levantaré los brazos
y saldrán mis raíces
a buscar otra tierra.
si cada día,
sientes que a mí estás destinada
con dulzura implacable,
si cada día sube
una flor a tus labios a buscarme,
ay amor mío, ay mía,
en mí todo ese fuego se repite,
en mí nada se apaga ni se olvida,
mi amor se nutre de tu amor, amada,
y mientras vivas estará en tus brazos
sin salir de los míos.
'If You Forget Me' ~ Pablo Neruda (My 'raw' Translation)
I want you to know
You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists:
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.
If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.
if each day,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.