Integrative / Intuitive Health and Empowerment Coaching
'Mamaita's Journey uses the gifts of a clinical academic and intuitive to empower seekers to discover that 'missing something' they need to make their life MORE!
Catch your thoughts....
April 19, 2014
My Reason for being...
May 1, 2013
'Guilty of Libel...?'
June 3, 2014
'If'' ~ and you shall find happiness....
January 17, 2014
Just as it had with my counselling, the focus became less upon my marriage breakdown and more about 'me'. The 'marriage compartment' was doing 'ok'. We had settled into a routine and our son was adjusting as we continued to provide a loving and secure blanket for him. We continued to co-parent as we always had done and we did it well.
My husband fell into another relationship quickly. Now that I did find odd. Expected. But odd. I wasn't jealous of the lady, or of him. Another relationship was far from my mind. Hell! Who would take me on?! But I did realize how ready the man I had loved for 20 plus years was to move on and leave 'us' behind. Especially when he introduced our son to his new partner and her son. There were times when I had to button my lip and bite my tongue. My natural reaction was to lash out, criticize, undermine... But what good would that have done? It would have only ended hurting our son. So I held my head up high and was gracious... even though at times the green monster in me would rise to the surface, I fought her back down before the words that would do harm spilled pass my lips...
My real focus remained me. My happiness. My son's happiness. My desire to like, no, love me. My desire for my son to know, really know me. I took to reading, rediscovering my love of the classics and poetry. I rediscovered my music. Why had I lost so much that was once a part of my identity? We are always told that a marriage needs compromise. But we should not 'lose' our identity along the way. I wonder if this is what happens to so many?
I filled my head with words. Quotations, lines from a book, lyrics to a song. Words would set my brain in perpetual motion for hours, sometimes days, at a time. I would turn them over and over, rearrange them, play with their meaning. I became determined to really understand what the composer was trying to say to me. What they were feeling, experiencing as they wrote. I would apply them to me, to my feelings, to my wants, to my needs... looking for explanations, similarities...just trying to make sense of it all. My counsellor joined me on some of these reflections and even recommended authors and books to me. I was searching. There had to be a reason 'why' I had been dealt the challenges I had... And there it was. Another stark realization, that 'I had been dealt'! No longer was I accepting that 'this was my lot' that I had 'brought it all upon myself' and it was 'what I deserved'.
No, I was not to blame and yes, I could turn all those negatives around...
A very dear and wise friend, who shared my love of the classics and the joy of words, passed many happy hours with me philosophizing, romanticizing and analyzing.
This was one of the first poems she gave me...
Let the words explain to you why they comforted and reassured: