Integrative / Intuitive Health and Empowerment Coaching
'Mamaita's Journey uses the gifts of a clinical academic and intuitive to empower seekers to discover that 'missing something' they need to make their life MORE!
Catch your thoughts....
April 19, 2014
My Reason for being...
May 1, 2013
'Guilty of Libel...?'
June 3, 2014
'News' to the World....
January 16, 2014
There was no big announcement. No huge drama. No tears. Nobody needed to know any details. We agreed to stick to the simple facts and make it very clear to everyone, that despite the end of our marriage, we remained a united front. We were both moving on from our 20 years together, as friends who respected one another and sincerely wanted the other to be happy.
Admittedly, since then, we have both shared our story, but we have both respected the other and never attempted to get people 'on side'. Yes, I am sharing the story now, but that is to help us both, and the story is still told with respect.
We had soon come to realize and understand that a marriage cannot just 'end' when you have a child... it 'changes'... and you continue that relationship, but in a different way. Our son was the 'glue'. We were good parents and would continue to be. Together. No undermining the other or allowing our little man to play one off against the other. Communication was key. And we would move on... together. A family. Nothing would ever change that.
At the time, my husband had taken the responsibility upon himself to tell his family. I, of course, had no family to inform. I did, however, afford myself the 'luxury' of imagining their reactions... There would have been drama for sure! I sat there as my husband spoke with family. He told them the truth. That he had had an affair and we had tried to overcome it but we could neither of us move on together. They looked to blame me despite his confessions and assurances. I guess families are like that? Blind loyalty. I wouldn't know. I was always to blame for anything somebody outside of our family unit had said or done... Indeed, had they have still been around it would have been my own fault. She would straight away assume that I had been frigid. 'You've always been too self centred to give that man what he needs.' How many times she had taken it upon herself to share her advice... 'a good wife is a whore in the bedroom and a goddess in the kitchen...'
Of course the common concern was our son. Yes, he had known for the last 3 months and had adjusted well enough to see his daddy move out. We had all gone to see his new place, met the new landlords. I even signed as witness on the lease. We helped him collect things for his new home and allowed our son to choose his room and decorate it as he wanted. He knew his primary residence was with me, but was excited about having a 'boys' hangout'. My husband was determined to be more patient with our son and nurture their relationship.
The most surprising thing to us both during those first few weeks was the reaction of our friends and co-workers. They were shocked... rigid. 'But you always seem so perfect together'... 'It doesn't have to be over, you can try again'... 'Maybe a trial separation?'... 'What about your son?'... And the inevitable 'Who's fault was it?'
We found ourselves in the peculiar position of 'supporting' and 'counselling' our friends through those first weeks. The saddest thing to see was how some felt the need to fall into one camp, or the other, despite our saying we were still on very good terms. Only our closest of mutual friends accepted our situation and supported us both. But they had been there from the very beginning.
Was it really a year since he had pulled that rug from underneath my feet? Had I really been in counselling for a whole year? How quickly a year passes as you grow older. How quickly a year becomes a blink of your eye and how quickly a year can bring about so much change....