Integrative / Intuitive Health and Empowerment Coaching
'Mamaita's Journey uses the gifts of a clinical academic and intuitive to empower seekers to discover that 'missing something' they need to make their life MORE!
Catch your thoughts....
April 19, 2014
My Reason for being...
May 1, 2013
'Guilty of Libel...?'
June 3, 2014
All My Eggs in One Basket...
January 13, 2014
So, I was now 'No Contact'. This was an achievement and I am proud of it! And it was OK. I still had the most important people in my life. The ones who were my rocks. My constants. My world. My everything.
My husband... and my son.
All would be OK as long as I had my own, precious family to nurture, protect and cherish. My husband had witnessed all of what had come to pass over the years. When I doubted what had actually happened at any one given time... and started to believe the warped truths that I was being told over and over, he was the one there to assure me that it was not so. That I was not 'going in sane'. He was my number one cheer leader. And they had done him as much harm, as they had me. I see that now, not then, but I do now. He was a victim too. Over the years, he had respectfully kept his council because I had asked him to.
But as you already know...that was all about to change.
My 'eggs were all in one basket' but one was about to leave, leaving the other cracked and one broken...
Looking back to the period of time before I started the EMDR therapy with my counsellor, I was in a fog. I hurt. I hurt so bad... the pain at times was all consuming... I was frightened... alone... vulnerable... and above all, self loathing.
What had I done to deserve this? Why was I such an evil person? Why could I not be a better person so people close to me would not leave me? The final one by my side, now wanted to leave... What I had been told all those years must now be true! She was right! The one person who had stood by me and told me it wasn't my fault had now betrayed me, wanting another... a 'somebody' that would love him more than I did... I couldn't give him what he was looking for... I wasn't 'good enough'...
Yes... the pain became less. I had managed to convince him to stay... I was optimistic, we both were, and I tried... I tried so hard to hang on. Make it better. Be better. But the reality eventually dawned. I had already lost him. He was staying only because he felt guilty. The realization eventually came to me: that he was no longer mine to hold onto. I had no right to hold him, trapped in a marriage that he no longer wanted to be in... I had to let him go...