Integrative / Intuitive Health and Empowerment Coaching
'Mamaita's Journey uses the gifts of a clinical academic and intuitive to empower seekers to discover that 'missing something' they need to make their life MORE!
Catch your thoughts....
April 19, 2014
My Reason for being...
May 1, 2013
'Guilty of Libel...?'
June 3, 2014
January 7, 2014
It was some 6 years previously that I had made the decision to become 'No Contact' with her... Well, I say decision... it was more the culmination of frustration resulting in a final telephone call...
The frustrations had built over a period of time while their daughter was going through a particularly painful divorce with two young children. You see, they and I, all lived in Spain. She had remained in the UK... feeling 'abandoned' by all of us. I felt this acutely, and when she was suffering the emotional pain of her separation and impending divorce, I was determined that one of us should return to the UK to support her.
Initially, they were going to take on this role... after all, my husband was working away and I had a young child and a full time job. They were retired... with few real commitments. But as their departure date came closer, the excuses not to return became greater... "It's all a storm in a teacup"; "She is over dramatizing"; "She's brought this all upon herself, now she needs to stand on her own two feet and deal with the consequences"... blah...blah...di-blah...
So I decided to make the return visit myself... and when I look back, it was one of the best decisions I ever made.
We spent the most amazing weekend together, the children had a wonderful time, strengthening their bonds, she and I put our worlds to right. By the end of our time together, we had made a huge discovery. We realized that she had 'played us off' against each other all of our lives. She had always put the one 'down' to make the other more superior to the other... whilst still managing to damage our individual self esteem and making us feel inferior to her, and the other.
Very clever. Very manipulative.
We concluded that we must ensure a united bond and ensure the children's relationships were protected and nurtured so that their relationships would rise above her manipulative behaviour. We also acknowledged his apparent weakness and submissive behaviour toward her, attributing this to his blind love for her... both of us seeing him as a victim... whilst also recognizing his brutally cruel steak, whereby he could shred our confidence with cuttingly cruel words. Both of us had been on the receiving end of this...she being left with a weight complex that had led to a diagnosis of bulimia some years previously and I, having struggled to overcome my social phobia and battled with my self image having been told for years how ugly I was. We had also both fallen victim to being labeled as unpopular with our peers, especially me, who was 'unable to maintain any friendships'... despite their having an extremely limited circle of friends... actually, 2 couples... whom they constantly criticized. Hypocritical is an under-statement. They they lived in a glass castle above everybody else who was inferior and constantly threw stones... Blatant hypocrisy.
By the time it came for me to return home to Spain, we had forged a renewed and empowered relationship. But I soon realised that this put her on edge. She persistently criticized, belittled and dismissed my decision to have visited the UK. I had 'wasted all that money on a silly jaunt'. Eventually, at the end of THE final telephone call, having listened to more of the same, I stood up to her and told her that I would no longer listen to her criticisms and when she could reflect and apologize she should call me as I would not be calling her. That was the moment the worm finally turned. As the days became weeks, and the weeks became months, my life became increasingly more peaceful... I realized that life could be good without her in it...